Orbits of a deluded mind

Heard in my office break room

More Coffee! That way I can do more stupid things faster!..

Which was followed shortly by:

Brains, they're not just for zombies' anymore...

Maybe they can use it for an Easter Mass? It would beat the He... heck out of those waffers.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/30/chocolate.jesus.ap/index.html

Yes, I know, no tact....

Cross Monty Python and Star Wars

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/4638/

The Bush Adminisitration...


Not content with merely lying, defrauding and cheating; the admininistration has finally cut ties to the Evangelical / Christian community. What better way to show the dark side in which King George serves than do so than on the newest dollar coin?

Treasury Department has released (accidently?) a new one dollar coin. A large batch of these beauties have a unique birthmark. "In God We Trust" isn't there.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1110AP_Godless_Dollars.html

Funny, but the Treasury is making no effort to recover the "at least 50,000 error coins were put in circulation" and some of which are selling openly on eBay. Funny how demand in dollar coins suddenly skyrocketed?.. I wonder, if they'd shown Sacagawea in a loin-cloth*, or Susan B in her younger, wilder, mini-dress years*, whether their coins might have been a bit more popular. It's a shame the Eisenhower "thumbs-up" (Steve Colbert style) coin was rejected in the stodgely 1970's.





* This is humor, refer to wikipedia under the subject of wild, silly sarcasm before commenting that JJ is being insensitive

Here's something funny to take the edge off the day. According to the National Weasel er, Weather Service, the mountains just south of here are under a Winter Storm Watch. So if that's the case it should be rainy and nasty and windy right?

Just came back from lunch and picking up some tools for a project I'm going to finally make for my son. It's gorgeous outside! Warm, clear sky and light breeze. So I though, maybe it sucks in Los Angeles weather wise. Not according to my fave way of checking the weather down below.

Take a look too:
http://www.astro.ucla.edu/~obs/towercam.htm#imagetop

OR: No shit, I was there stories...

Real writeups in Air Force "781" Aircraft Maintenance Forms, and the "innovative" solutions of Air Force aircraft maintenance technicians:

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.

Let's end Monday on a humorous note.

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil, For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
(Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan).
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You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)
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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
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Blue-water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
(From an old carrier sailor)
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If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a wreck in progress or a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe
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When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
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Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
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Without their aircraft, Naval aviators are poorly dressed Yachtsmen
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There are two types of aircraft: fighters and targets.
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Naval Air adage:
“Flare to land; squat to piss.”
(If you have trouble with this, look at air to air refueling, and see who is doing the poking, and who is getting poked!)
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What is the common link between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up . . . the pilot dies; If ATC screws up . . . the pilot dies.
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Never trade luck for skill.
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The three most common last words in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?" "Where are we?" and "Oh Shit!"
(the last is verified by the NTSB from multiple cockpit voice recordings)
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Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
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Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
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Airspeed, altitude and brains. At least two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
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A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is provocation.
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I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
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More tomorrow